Archive for the ‘Birth’ Category


Nods head…

Food and Birth


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Seven years ago I became a mother in the least ideal way I could imagine. Meeting Bub, holding him, nursing him, knowing him, was all amazing and felt like I’d found something I had been waiting for for so long. But the birth devastated me physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I didn’t get to feel him push past the bones of my pelvis and to stretch my body wide to make his entrance. I never got to hold his slippery new body, to rub the precious vernix into his skin, or to hold him before everyone else did. I didn’t get to know what it was like to feel my body pulse with energy and float along the hormone high while meeting my boy. I was tricked and he was plucked from the earth of my body like an overripe carrot, yanked and tugged while I slipped in an out of consciousness. I was cheated.

And I didn’t know it was okay to feel the way I did about the birth, I was told over and over to “just be happy that you have a healthy baby“, no one ever told me I was allowed to grieve the loss of the birth I dreamed about.

When Bub was about 2, I finally put my hands on a copy of Silent Knife and cried through the whole thing. I then found my way to ICAN and suddenly felt the warmth of women around me who understood what I had been through, what I was going through, women whose hearts were ripped in two when their uteri were cut in order for their babies to be born. ICAN and the women there saved my life.

My wish for all birthing women is that they trust their bodies to do what they have been doing for thousands of years and that that they are able to filter out the noise steering their births, noise that sounds frighteningly like change hitting the bottom of a jar.

We are not broken. The system is broken and it won’t be fixed until we start educating ourselves and fighting against a system that does not have our best interests in mind.

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On the way

Someone we know, but haven’t met yet, is working her way in to the world. Tig is at the hospital right now keeping a spot in the waiting room warm and eager to meet the little Butterbean.

I am stranded at home in (yet another) snow storm with two antsy kids and an antsy momma. We’re all so eager to meet her (but not more eager than her mommas of course!).

ETA: She’s here!  Just before 1pm she emerged into the world weighing 8 lbs, 1 oz and stretching out to 21 inches long.  Everyone is tired, but J is the most tired of them all and very sore and I hear she has declared she will never ever do that again.  I also hear that the first nursing went well.  Still haven’t met her myself, but perhaps I will get the chance tomorrow.  The few pictures I’ve seen of her are, of course, beautiful.    

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Birth happens

I am so honored and blessed to have witnessed the birth of a baby today and to have assisted my friend in her journey to birth her baby peacefully and gently at home. Just a few days ago, she e-mailed to ask if she could take me up on my offer to doula at her birth. And this morning she called me after a long night of laboring to let me know that I should come over. We all thought it would be a long process; I not knowing how long she had labored already, she remembering her first daugther’s birth – long, arduous and ending in major surgery. And through all the worry, and I can’t’s and I will’s and yes this is it’s – a baby emerged into the water, slipping from her mother’s body, as peaceful as could be. You did it. She did it. A family of three becomes four. And I am so thankful to have been asked to participate. My words are so inadequate to describe the peace and joy I feel for them, with a deep cord of knowing how important this birth was to them, and to all the mothers whose uteri were once cut open to remove a baby. It was so beautiful to see her on the bed, holding her new baby, a glimpse of the scar so visible below the swaddle of blankets, yet unimportant – never a thought to it or it’s significance. Birth happens, when we let it, when we remove the muck and meddling and get to the core of what are bodies are built to do, it happens. When we are supported and loved and surrounded by faith in the process, it happens. This morning, it happened, and it was perfect.

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